Thursday, February 28, 2013

2am.

This is just a rambling mess.
A jumble of thoughts and consciousness
So please forgive me if I make no sense
Or all the sense in the world
But I just need to talk tonight

Friend of mine, there are things I need to do
Have you ever felt that way?
There is this itching under my skin
This need to do something in the world
To leave fingerprints, memories, ink smudges
To make a difference

You know, I don't know what I'm supposed to do
Who to be, what to say, where to go
But I do know the fire-dipped shades of sunset skies
The deep pink of wind-bitten cheeks
The silver of child-laughter eyes
And the lavender of wishes on stars.
I know the grey of tears down cheeks,
The black of empty arms in empty beds
And I know the green of new, fresh,
starting over, and over, and over again.
This world is a rainbow that always seems
to keep showing up after every storm.
Dew drop on a blade of grass, sud in a sink.
And I'm thankful.

I want to take my frayed edges
My messy hair and uneven eyeliner
I want to take my hoodies and jeans with the torn holes
And take my chipped fingernails and my too-long toes curled in nervous anticipation
And I want to offer them to you.
It isn't much.
It's pennies and broken shells and maybe
even shards from broken hearts
But it's what I am and it's what I have
And I want to give it to you.
I want to offer up these fragments,
These seemingly broken things

Because without the colored pieces mosaics cannot exist.

Friend, I want to leave a piece of me here.
Maybe with you, maybe with petals in the wind
Maybe even on the glint off a feather of a
bird high in the tree tops
Because that's where you'll find me.
You'll find me here, then there, always
Always floating through the world, breathing deep the colors of now, now, now

You'll find me in the words I leave on this paper piece.
Because I am a writer.
This my greatest dream, you see
And it may not always work
And the sentences may not make
And sometimes I Capitalize The Wrong Letters
And... Well... I pause, rather, frequently
And I say the same things over and over
And I repeat myself
And I don't make sense.
My hands are covered in ink and eraser smudges,
Coffee and tear stains.
And still the words don't flow.
The heart is lopsided but beating
And this is the greatest thing I have.
This is what I am.

I am words. A big long string, unending,
Unbroken.
Word after word connected and placed
So that you can know my name.
So that when you hold up your thumb to the sky
You can count four over, three across
You can see my star.
The one that grants wishes and hope
The silver in the black.
This so that you taste the sweet of sunshine and fresh cotton sheets.
The honeysuckle in late June dusk.
Maybe this is my fingerprint.
Maybe my memory.
These my words.
The words I leave here, on this page,
covered in the hue of windowsill cracks
This hour that blurs the lines of the page
The too-late and too-early belonging to days gone and to be
The smell of coffee and toothpaste and chocolate chip cookie.
These words, messy, chopped, scribbled, whispered, placed.
They rest in the outstretched palm
The fingers extended,
Dirty fingernails and all.

Here.
For you.
Love,
Sarah

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

02.27.13


Hey, lovelies. 
So, I also got this from tumblr, just like the last quote I posted.
This isn't mine, but I love love love it. And I hope you do too.
Praise the Lord for tumblr. (:
I hope your day is amazing!

"Date a girl who writes.
Date a girl who may never wear completely clean clothes, because of coffee stains and ink spills. She’ll have many problems with her closet space, and her laptop is never boring because there are so many words, so many worlds that she’s cluttered amidst the space. Tabs open filled with obscure and popular music. Interesting factoids about Catherine the Great, and the immortality of jellyfish. Laugh it off when she tells you that she forgot to clean her room, that her clothes are lost among the binders so it’ll take her longer to get ready, that her shoes hidden under the mountain of broken Bic pens and the refurbished laptop that she’s saved for ever since she was twelve. 
Kiss her under the lamppost, when it’s raining. Tell her your definition of love.
Find a girl who writes. You’ll know that she has a sense of humor, a sense of empathy and kindness, and that she will dream up worlds, universes for you. She’s the one with the faintest of shadows underneath her eyelids, the one who smells of coffee and Coca-cola and jasmine green tea. You see that girl hunched over a notebook. That’s the writer. With her fingers occasionally smudged with charcoal, with ink that will travel onto your hands when you interlock your fingers with her’s. She will never stop, churning out adventures, of traitors and heroes. Darkness and light. Fear and love. That’s the writer. She can never resist filling a blank page with words, whatever the color of the page is.
She’s the girl reading while waiting for her coffee and tea. She’s the quiet girl with her music turned up loud (or impossibly quiet), separating the two of you by an ocean of crescendos and decrescendos as she’s thinking of the perfect words. If you take a peek at her cup, the tea or coffee’s already cold. She’s already forgotten it.
Use a pick-up line with her if she doesn’t look to busy.
If she raises her head, offer to buy her another cup of coffee. Or of tea. She’ll repay you with stories. If she closes her laptop, give her your critique of Tolstoy, and your best theories of Hannibal and the Crossing. Tell her your characters, your dreams, and ask if she gotten through her first novel.
It is hard to date a girl who writes. But be patient with her. Give her books for her birthday, pretty notebooks for Christmas and for anniversaries, moleskins and bookmarks and many, many books. Give her the gift of words, for writers are talkative people, and they are verbose in their thanks. Let her know that you’re behind her every step of the way, for the lines between fiction and reality are fluid.
She’ll give you a chance.
Don’t lie to her. She’ll understand the syntax behind your words. She’ll be disappointed by your lies, but a girl who writes will understand. She’ll understand that sometimes even the greatest heroes fail, and that happy endings take time, both in fiction and reality. She’s realistic. A girl who writes isn’t impatient; she will understand your flaws. She will cherish them, because a girl who writes will understand plot. She’ll understand that endings happen for better or for worst.
A girl who writes will not expect perfection from you. Her narratives are rich, her characters are multifaceted because of interesting flaws. She’ll understand that a good book does not have perfect characters; villains and tragic flaws are the salt of books. She’ll understand trouble, because it spices up her story. No author wants an invincible hero; the girl who writes will understand that you are only human.
Be her compatriot, be her darling, her love, her dream, her world.
If you find a girl who writes, keep her close. If you find her at two AM, typing furiously, the neon gaze of the light illuminating her furrowed forehead, place a blanket gently on her so that she does not catch a chill. Make her a pot of tea, and sit with her. You may lose her to her world for a few moments, but she will come back to you, brimming with treasure. You will believe in her every single time, the two of you illuminated only by the computer screen, but invincible in the darkness.
She is your Shahrazad. When you are afraid of the dark, she will guide you, her words turning into lanterns, turning into lights and stars and candles that will guide you through your darkest times. She’ll be the one to save you.
She’ll whisk you away on a hot air balloon, and you will be smitten with her. She’s mischievous, frisky, yet she’s quiet and when she has to kill off a lovely character, when she cries, hold her and tell her that it will be alright. 
You will propose to her. Maybe on a boat in the ocean, maybe in a little cottage in the Appalachian Mountains. Maybe in New York City. Maybe Chicago. Baltimore. Maybe outside her publisher’s office. Because she’s radiant, wherever she goes. Maybe even outside of a cinema where the two of you kiss in the rain. She’ll say that it is overused and clichéd, but the glint in her eyes will tell you that she appreciates it all the same.
You will smile hard as she talks a mile a second, and your heart will skip a beat when she holds your hand and she will write stories of your lives together. She’ll hold you close and whisper secrets into your ears. She’s lovely, remember that. She’s self made and she’s brilliant. Her names for the children might be terrible, but you’ll be okay with that. A girl who writes will tell your children fantastical stories.
Because that is the best part about a girl who writes. She has imagination and she has courage, and it will be enough. She’ll save you in the oceans of her dreams, and she’ll be your catharsis and your 11:11. She’ll be your firebird and she’ll be your knight, and she’ll become your world, in the curve of her smile, in the hazel of her eye the half-dimple on her face, the words that are pouring out of her, a torrent, a wave, a crescendo - so many sensations that you will be left breathless by a girl who writes.
Maybe she’s not the best at grammar, but that is okay.
Date a girl who writes because you deserve it. She’s witty, she’s empathetic, enigmatic at times and she’s lovely. She’s got the most colorful life. She may be living in NYC or she may be living in a small cottage. Date a girl who writes because a girl who writes reads.
A girl who writes will understand reality. She’ll be infuriating at times, and maybe sometimes you will hate her. Sometimes she will hate you too. But a girl who writes understands human nature, and she will understand that you are weak. She will not leave on the Midnight Train the first moment that things go sour. She will understand that real life isn’t like a story, because while she works in stories, she lives in reality. 
Date a girl who writes. 
Because there is nothing better then a girl who writes."

Love,
Sarah

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

02.26.13

Lists:

Things I need to do today:
1. Get dressed
2. Go to class
3. Hang out with and tutor my awesome SDAP friend
4. Read book
5. Get chickfila
6. Write English essay
7. Buy milk
8. Go to church
9. Study for History test tomorrow
10. Write letter back

Things I need to study for:
1. History test tomorrow
2. Geography test next Wednesday
3. Biology test next Tuesday
4. Other History test next Friday
5. History test on States and capitals

Things that make me really happy:
1. Dancing
2. Reading books
3. Drinking tea
4. Watching movies
5. Working out
6. Bracelets
7. Being alone; solitude
8. Doodling
9. Worship
10. Quotes

Things I want to do:
1. Visit places all over the world.
2. Write a book
3. Make a difference in someone's life
4. See cancer stop existing
5. Have a bird
6. Be a teacher
7. Be a princess at Disney World
8. Get a tattoo
9. Do something important enough to have people remember me
10. Live long enough to find my place in the world.

Things I learned from books:
1. That things change, friends leave, and life doesn't stop for anyone.
2. That pain demands to be felt.
3. That Eucharisteo always precedes the miracle.
4. That sometimes happiness is really unexpected.
5. That leaving is the hardest thing in the world, until you leave.
6. That you should never let something else control your life. You control your life.
7. That maybe love isn't meant to be forever, and maybe that's okay.
8. That being happy isn't having everything in your life be perfect...
9. That the past can hurt, but you can either run from it or learn from it.
10. That it hurts because it's real... it hurts because it mattered.

Things I'm learning in general:
1. That just because the song eventually ends, doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy the music.
2. That being alone and being lonely are far from synonymous. 
3. That love is like China for me. 
4. That I'll be okay, I just need some time.
5. That dancing is always a good decision. Always.
6. That a few kind words to and from someone can make a world of difference.
7. That sometimes you just need someone to tell you that you aren't as terrible as you think you are.
8. That nothing in the whole world can be as good as having a best friend. Especially one like mine.
9. That maybe you have to live for the small things in a day, like someone complimenting you or picking up something you dropped, and make that count for more than the bad things.
10. That time moves really, really fast. And if you don't take a minute to look around every now and then, you may just miss out on the beautiful things. 

Things I could always use:
1. A hug.
2. A letter.
3. A word.
4. A new book.
5. A surprise.
6. A picture.
7. A comment.
8. A prayer.
9. A friend.
10. A smile.

Things about me:
1. I really, really like owls.
2. Purple is my favorite color.
3. I love to dance.
4. I love Jesus.
5. Pinky promises mean the world to me.
6. I promise I'll never leave you alone to face the world.
7. I am a really good hugger.
8. Sometimes I just need to not talk to anyone, and that's okay.
9. Just don't give up on me. I'll make it, I swear I will.
10. I'm a big quote fanatic. Give me a good quote, and we'll be best friends.

Things I hope you know:
1. You are so, so amazing. Just look at yourself for a minute. Amazing.
2. You are never, ever alone. I know you may get lonely, but my hand is here. Just reach out and grasp it.
3. Your attitude is, in a large part, your choice. Choose wisely.
4. Never ever take for granted what you have been given. Always be thankful.
5. You are perfect just the way you are, but it never hurts to try to be just a little bit better than the person you were yesterday.
6. One binge meal will not ruin your whole body. Sometimes it is okay to just eat pizza and ice cream.
7. It's okay to cry. It's perfect, actually, and it's completely and totally human. Don't be afraid to let yourself feel things. 
8. Don't minimize your pain. You aren't doing anyone any favors. It hurts because it's real, and you need to acknowledge that. Never be afraid to ask for help. Everyone needs a hand sometimes.
9. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
10. You are very, very, VERY much loved. And the world needs you. I need you. Always.

Remember: Lift up your head, princess. If not, the crown falls. 

Love,
Sarah

Sunday, February 24, 2013

02.24.13

"I want you to tell me about every person you've ever been in love with. Tell me why you loved them, then tell me why they loved you. Tell me about a day in your life you didn't think you'd live through. Tell me what the word "home" means to you and tell me in a way that I'll know your mother's name just by the way you describe your bedroom when you were 8. See, I wanna know the first time you felt the weight of hate and if that day still trembles beneath your bones. Do you prefer to play in puddles of rain or bounce in the bellies of snow? And if you were to build a snowman, would you rip two branches from a tree to build your snowman arms? Or would you leave the snowman armless for the sake of being harmless to the tree? And if you would, would you notice how that tree weeps for you because your snowman has no arms to hug you every time you kiss him on the cheek? Do you kiss your friends on the cheek? Do you sleep beside them when they're sad, even if it makes your lover mad? Do you think that anger is a sincere emotion or just the timid of a fragile heart trying to beat away its pain? See, I wanna know what you think of your first name. And if you often lie awake at night and imagine your mother's joy when she spoke it for the very first time. I want you to tell me all the ways you've been unkind. Tell me all the ways you've been cruel. See, I wanna know more than what you do for a living. I wanna know how much of your life you spend just giving. And if you love yourself enough to also receive sometimes. I wanna know if you bleed sometimes through other people's wounds."

Beautiful.

Saturday, February 23, 2013

02.23.13

I think that humans are amazing.

Don't you think so?

I love to watch people. I know that sounds kinda creepy, but it really isn't like that. It's more like that I love to watch people in their honest moments when they don't think that anyone is watching them.

Like when they are hard at work at something, and their entire faces are focused. Or when they are staring off into space, lost in thought. I love the look in someone's eyes when they first wake up and are not quite sure about where they are. Or the deep sigh given at the end of a long day of work. I love the heart moments when tears roll down cheeks and cleanse hearts, and makeup smears. I love the way people get this light about them when they talk about something that they are passionate about. And the stars that fill their eyes when they realize they are in love. Laughs that ring across the room, people enjoying people. Unmade beds and messy hair, perfect in imperfection. Taking the first bite of their favorite food and the bliss that follows. The small lip movements as someone sings a song stuck in their head, or sing along to their car radio. The little half-smiles that people get when they read a text message that made them happy. The way people's arms tighten right before they release a hug. I love people in their imperfection so much more than the false fronts that many try to put forward. The everyday moments of this life are what truly take my breath away.

Humans are just so beautiful. I am very, very lucky to be a member of this race.

Love,
Sarah

My Story... after another year.

Hello, dear sweet ones of mine.

I hope that today, you are smiling. I hope that the sun is shining and it is nice where you are. I hope that God moves in a really, really special way for you today.

Today is a very special day for me. I like to refer to it as my 'cancer birthday'. You see, today, I am officially six years cancer free. Cancer free... those words never ever fail to taste sweet in my mouth.

But this year, those sweet words are coupled with a very real, painful tear sliding down my face. For today, one of the most amazing, dear little ones that I ever had the privilege to know is being remembered in his very own memorial service. He is being laid to rest, celebrated by those who loved him most, cancer having consumed his little body. My heart is broken for his family. Please, please pray with me for them today. Lift up their hearts as they join together to say a final goodbye to their sweet boy.

Many of you that were here last year probably remember me sharing my cancer story. If you weren't here last year, you can read it here. (Literally, right there... just click the word 'here'!) Even if you were here last year, you can still re-read it at the link. I really won't mind (;

In the past year (can you believe it's been an entire YEAR since it was February 23, 2012? Me either!) I have experienced a lot of changes. I have moved into a new place and begun my career as a college student. I have met tons of new people, and I have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. I have also struggled. I have reached some of the lowest points I have ever experienced in my life. I have cried and ached and been gut-wrenchingly shattered... broken beyond repair. These 365 days haven't been easy ones.

But friend, by the grace of God alone, I am still here.

I don't deserve to be, that much is definitely certain. Yet here I stand. I must have work to still be done! I serve an amazing God that has let me make it to this day, and I am forever thankful.

I hope that, as you hear my story today, it resonates somewhere inside you. I hope that you find hope, dear one, in hearing that you can continue and even come back from having your world turned rather upside down.

But most of all...

Today, I want you to celebrate life. I want you to take a moment to think over all of the millions and millions of gifts that you have to be thankful for (hey, just think, your heart is beating, lungs are functioning, and eyes are seeing this right at this very moment!), and I want you to celebrate. Celebrate life with me today, will you? Celebrate with me the miracle of today, and the fact that we get to enjoy every last moment of it. Help me to enjoy living for those who didn't get to experience this... this wonder filled life... today. Let's celebrate.

I am so thankful for each and every one of you. You make this journey a pleasure to be on. I hope that today leaves you wonder-struck. I love you dearly. Let's Celebrate.

Love,
Sarah

Friday, February 22, 2013

Five Minute Friday.

Hey, friends. I am so relieved to be back to you today. This week has been a stressful one. This five minutes has come to be one of the highlights of my time. I hope you enjoy as I do.

Today's topic: Mama.

Go.

I am going home today.

And I am so excited. I was just home two weeks ago... but time has this way of stretching to make itself seem larger than it is. And two weeks has officially felt like an eternity. I am so ready to be back in the warm embrace of my Mama's arms.

This topic couldn't be more perfect for today, as yesterday was my Mama's birthday. Have I mentioned how very, very much I love my Mama? Because I do. More than words could adequately describe.

You see, my Mama is the strongest, bravest person that I know. She faces the world every day with a determination, grace, and abundant love that I hope to one day encompass in my own life. She stands beside so many, and takes on their battles alongside her own. She reaches out her hands to grasp those in need, even when hers seem impossibly full. But she always makes room. She always has time to listen to her 18 year old talk her way through the world as she tries and tries to make some sense of it all. She pours and pours and pours into 22 beautiful little souls every day for 180 days, and then she gains a new 22 and begins all over again. She holds the hand of her 11 year old cancer patient child, and never leaves her side. She is strong for me, when I simply have nothing left to give. She believes in God with all her heart, and she personifies what it means to be His and to love Him wholly.

And I got lucky enough to have her.

Happy Birthday, sweet Mama of mine. I love you more than words.

Love,
Sarah

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

My Hero.

Last night, one of the most amazing boys to ever walk the face of the planet earned his wings.

I didn't know him that well, but he changed my whole life. I can't even imagine how hard this must be for his family, and others that he truly belonged to.

I know Jesus was excited. He got an amazing angel. But those of us still down here sure do miss his sweet face.

I'm sorry I didn't know you more, little man. I can't wait to shop at your first-ever heaven lego store. You changed the world. You gave hope where there wasn't any.

Vinny, You taught me to keep going, even when the odds looked to be stacked against me. You taught me to smile, even in the face of some really scary times. You taught me that science goes so far, and then there is God and no one can question that you were sent directly from Him. You filled thousands of hearts all around the world with a passion for life itself. You brought hope to me when I didn't think I had any left.These are lessons I will never forget.

I'll see you in heaven. Until then, enjoy your awesome angel wings. You deserve them.

Please join me in lifting up Vinny's family and friends. He touched thousands. Thanks.

Love,
Sarah

02.19.13

Hello, dear one.

Can I possibly have your ear for a moment? Or maybe even your hand? Or your arms around me as a hug?

I desperately need someone today.

Today has been difficult so far. I have gone to my well to drink, simply to find it empty. And I feel so hollow, so... just empty. Today is a tough one for me to get through, and I need you. Please come along side me. Please, don't let me face this day alone.

And then I got my daily (in)courage email. And I am in tears. It could not have been more perfect, the words whispered straight into my heart. I wanted to cry. A drop of water on my oh so thirsty heart. It touched me so much today, that I want to share it with you. I hope maybe, just maybe, you need it, too.

Forgive

Did you know it's possible to waste away from a broken heart? I had heard this before, but never thought it was in fact, possible.

I was wrong.

As much as I wish I wasn't, I'm witnessing it happen to someone who I love dearly. She's only a few miles away from me, but so far beyond my reach.

This pain and bitterness of a life that wasn't has crept in and taken a hold on the heart that was. She desires to be better, to get well, but she can't let go of her dreams that weren't. The damage is profound.

She has lost faith in the things that were once significant to her. She is a shell of the person she used to be- hollowed by the ones who have hurt her deeply.

Can you relate?

Maybe it's the person who cut you off in traffic this morning. Or possibly, it's the one who made an offensive comment that severed a friendship. Or perhaps your pain goes deeper. Maybe it's the husband who left one night, and didn't come back. Or, it's the father who missed too many dance recitals. Or, the mother who spoke one too many promises she couldn't keep.

I encourage you to let it go.

People will disappoint you in this lifetime- they are not perfect. They cannot be, for there is only room for one perfect One. He asks us to forgive as He forgave us.

Will you listen before it's too late?

Don't let life's disappointments consume you because they will. I know because I've seen her consumed.

The hurt and resentment build up and the wounds won't heal. It is so hard to come back from this. I know because I've seen her try.

Go to Him and pray for a heart that forgives. You can change your outlook on life and your feelings toward people. I know because it happened to me. I know it can happen to her.

I pray for the one's who have been let down by this life. There is hope for the hopeless, and I pray you run toward it in anticipation. Fall on your knees in prayer- pray for those who cut you off in traffic, for those who have said unkind words, for those who left and didn't come back, and for those who couldn't keep their promises. I pray you forgive them and know true peace- the peace that only HE can bring.

As far as she goes, it is my unrelenting prayer that she comes back. I have faith that she will- He has not given up on her, and never will.

Many Blessings.

-Julie Rees

My sweet friends, I am asking a favor of you today. Will you please pray for me? And if you read this, and you're close enough, will you pray with me? I need a hug so very much. I have seen prayer work, and I believe in it completely. Will you join me? I appreciate you so much.

Love,

Sarah

Monday, February 18, 2013

Exodus 14:14

Exodus 14

1The Lord said to Moses, 2"Tell the Israelites to turn back and encamp near Pi Hahiroth, between Migdol and the sea. They are to encamp by the sea, directly opposite Baal Zephon. 3Pharaoh will think, 'The Israelites are wandering around the land in confusion, hemmed in by the desert.' 4And I will harden Pharaoh's heart, and he will pursue them. But I will gain glory for myself through Pharaoh and all his army, and the Egyptians will know that I am the Lord." So the Israelites did this.

5When the king of Egypt was told that the people had fled, Pharaoh and his officials changed their minds about them and said, "What have we done? We have let the Israelites go and have lost their services!" 6So he had his chariot made ready and took his army with him. 7He took six hundred of the best chariots, along with all the other chariots of Egypt, with officers over all of them. 8The Lord hardened the heart of Pharaoh king of Egypt, so that he pursued the Israelites, who were marching out boldly. 9The Egyptians- all Pharaoh's horses and chariots, horsemen and troops- pursued the Israelites and overtook them as they camped by the sea near Pi Hahiroth, opposite Baal Zephon.

10As Pharaoh approached, the Israelites looked up, and there were the Egyptians, marching after them. They were terrified and cried out to the Lord. 11They said to Moses, "Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? 12Didn't we say to you in Egypt, 'Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians'? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!"

13Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. 14The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."

Woah. Read that one more time... The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.

But there is an ENTIRE EGYPTIAN ARMY coming at us!
...The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.

THEY HAVE HUNDREDS OF HORSEMEN AND CHARIOTS AND WE ARE DEFENSELESS!
...The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.

I don't think you understand. They are coming to KILL US.
...The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.

Can't you SEE?! We can't fight them. We have no chance. You should have just left us in slavery in Egypt.
...The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.

So then what happened? God delivered the Israelites from the Egyptians. Not only did He deliver them completely, He did it in the coolest way possible. He told Moses to hold his staff over the sea, and to place it in the sand and the sea would split, forming a wall of water on both sides of them. He would harden the hearts of the Egyptians so that they would follow the Israelites into the split sea, and then as soon as the Israelites were safely on the other side, God let the water walls go and drown the entirety of the army. Not a single Egyptian survived.

I get tears in my eyes every single time I read this story. How many times am I like the Israelites? How many times do I face a mountain with doubt and fear and desire nothing more than to run far and fast? All too often. So often I see the big Egyptian army coming for me... be it health issues, loss, grief, anger, stress... and I am ready to high-tail it. I would rather try to handle things, be in action, than sit and listen. Because if I took a minute to be still... maybe I would hear God's voice telling me to simply stay that way. I would hear God telling me that this is His battle, not mine, and I only need to be still and allow Him to fight it. And He will never, ever let me down. How amazing is that? That a God so vast and powerful that He holds the entire world in the palm of his hand, will also stand and fight for little old me.

We have the coolest God ever.

Today I see some pretty big armies facing me, bearing down, trying to steal my strength.
But today, I will not let them win. I will sit quietly in the folds of peace and let God do His amazing work. And I will say thank you.

I hope you do the same.

Love,
Sarah

Sunday, February 17, 2013

A Little Bit of Me.

Hey.

So, I occasionally do a little 'about me' on here. I think it's fun to read back on later and see how much things have changed in my life over the years. Without further ado, here is a list of things about me, in no particular order, much like my brain.

1. My name is Sarah.
2. I am eighteen years old.
3. I attend App State, and I am a freshman.
4. I have a wonderful roommate that is currently still asleep in her bed.
5. I am obsessed with quotes and quotes and quotes.
6. I have purple streaks in my hair and I love them very much.
7. I have a big love for owls.
8. I love to read. All the time.
9. Music is my total constant, and is there for me no matter what happens.
10. I am in love, in awe, and enthralled by a God who never gives up on me.
11. I am in the process of learning how to be thankful in all things.
12. My favorite place in the world is Arnoldsburg, WV.
13. I play the trumpet in the marching band, and I was drum major for two years in high school.
14. Dancing is my passion, and the thing that gets me through so much of the day sometimes. I studio danced for 14 years, and now I teach cardio dance here at ASU.
15. I love to watch movies, especially disney movies. My favorite is The Little Mermaid.
16. Sometimes, I shut down to handle things. I know it's not the healthiest thing in the world, but sometimes it is necessary. If that happens, just be patient with me. I'll always come back, I promise.
17. My birthday is June 17.
18. I feel things with all of me, which can be both a blessing and a curse. But I like it much better than feeling nothing at all.
19. I volunteer with a group of special needs students in Hickory, and I tutor two special needs scholars at App. They make my whole world so much brighter.
20. I think that love is for fairy tales, and for the lucky. And I don't really tend to fit into either category. But, I'm okay with it. Really.
21. Pizza is a food group. Always.
22. I want to teach elementary school one day, and then maybe move forward into Childlife specialty.
23. I have a tumblr, and I spend far too much time on it. But I love it.
24. I deleted my facebook three weeks ago, and I am going to continue to go without it through lent season. I am loving not having it so much, though, that I may not ever get it back.
25. I love photography, and I aspire to be a photographer one day. Just as a little side job. There is nothing more amazing than being able to capture and borrow a piece of the world's beauty for a while.
26. Stars amaze me, and I can literally spend hours and hours looking up at the night sky and never get bored.
27. My favorite food is cookiedough. I also love japanese food. And bojangles. And I especially love gummy things. Like haribo gummy bears.
28. I can't sing at all, but I do it all the time. It makes me really happy. Especially on summer days, with the car windows rolled down. Bliss.
29. I have seven total piercings. Six in my ears, and my nose. I love them. Which probably sounds weird, but whatever.
30. To borrow from Ellen: If I'm not between a 3 and 7 on the emotional scale, I'm crying.
31. I love gLee, the Office, New Girl, Phineas and Ferb, and pretty much all disney shows.
32. I've had several surgeries on my ears to basically reconstruct the entire inside, and now I wear two hearing aids.
33. I have an awesome team of doctors. I love all of them like they are family.
34. I wear a lot of bracelets and each of them connects me to someone somehow. I love them and I feel naked when I don't have them on.
35. I had a complete thyroidectomy when I was 11. My six-year mark is just around the corner.
36. My favorite colors are purple, teal, and green.
37. Have I mentioned that I'm in love with Jesus? Because I am. So, so in love. I have this amazing devotional to do every day called 'Jesus calling'. And I crave more and more of Him every time I read!
38. I. Love. Sleep.
39. I wish I could wear a sun dress every single day. I love dresses so much more than pants.
40. I'm really emotionally scarred. I'm doing better, and I've gotten a lot of help, but there are still some really bad days. I'm doing the best that I can and I'm learning better how to cope with the bad days, but sometimes it's just really hard.
41. I love salad. And I love ranch and italian and honey mustard and vinegrette and so much more.
42. My favorite thing about pictures is that they never change, even when the people in them do.
43. I am just looking for one person who won't walk away.
44. I can't ever get my eyeliner to match.
45. I love love love corny jokes. Like, I can laugh for hours at a joke like this? "What time is it if you have to go to the dentist?" "tooth-hurty!" BAHAHAHA! Get it? Like 2:30? ahahahaha!
46. Kids are my joy and I miss the group of first graders that I interned with last year, as well as my little Bell, and all my WVA kids, and my RBMS Amigos. I know a lot of kids.
47. I make it my goal that no one feels like they are alone while I am around. I hate that feeling more than anything, and so I don't want anyone else to have to experience it.
48. I am a night owl. I solve world problems best at 3am.
49. I hate math. I also do not really like science that much. But I especially hate math. Hate hate haaaate.
50. I have spent a ridiculous amount of time on youtube in my life. I LOVE watching stupid videos. And they never stop making me laugh.
51. I am deathly afraid of cats. The one cat I loved in the world had to be put down last week. It was so sad. That was the end of my relationship with felines.
52. I love to eat ice cream out of the carton.
53. My Nana is my best friend in the entire world. I love her more than anything.
54. My other best friend is named Sarah as well and we have more in common than could just be a coincidence. She's definitely the better half of me.
55. "On a scale of one to over trusting, I am pretty dang naive."
56. I have one biological sister, Emma, who is 4 years younger than me. I have two adopted older sisters, though one of them is basically my twin.
57. Getting mail is my most favorite thing ever.
58. My first concert was Elton John and Billy Joel.
59. I love the smells of bonfires, fresh cut grass, brownies baking, Sams club, and sunscreen.
60. Rainy days are some of my most favorite days. I LOVE rain.
61. Pinky promises mean the world to me. Literally. If you break a pinky promise, we will not be friends anymore.
62. I have the best mentor in the whole world. She has invested in me like no one else, and I can never thank her enough. She is beautiful and wonderful and I am so thankful for her presence in my life.
63. Getting dressed up is one of my favorite things in the world. I miss prom. Haha.
64. I am a big hugger. Hugs make me so happy!
65. My favorite real-people movie is The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Even though I cry every time.
66. I hate PDA. I think it is revolting.
67. My favorite book is The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. But really I love anything that John Green writes. You should read all of his stuff too. And check out his youtube channel. It's hilarious.
68. I hate odd numbers.
69. I love my dogs. We have three: Sandy (my dog, 12 years old), Dexter (our family mutt doggie, whom I love and miss so much!), and Allie, the newest addition, and my sister's dog.
70. I'm really just a mess. But I love this world, and though it is ugly sometimes, it is beautiful. And I'm doing my best to live each and every day to its fullest potential.

Well, I hope that didn't bore you too terribly much! I hope you are all well and I am praying for you!!

Love,
Sarah

Saturday, February 16, 2013

One Thousand Gifts


I just finished reading this book, and it has completely changed me. I have always tried to be aware and notice the small things in life, but now I strive even more so. I want to be ever present, ever thankful, ever full of joy and hope in all things. I crave intimacy with my sweet Father. I hope that this touches you as it did me, this video based on the wonderful book. But I highly recommend reading the book, too. It has become an extension of my 'stringing the little things'. It has become my next breath, a new lens to focus on the world through. I hope it does the same for you, dear one.

All my love to you,
Sarah

Books in 2013

I have read:

1. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling
2. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
3. The Giver by Lois Lowry
4. The Hunger Games by Susanne Collins
5. Catching Fire by Susanne Collins
6. Mockingjay by Susanne Collins
7. 1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp
8. I'll Be There by Holly Goldberg Sloan

I am currently reading:

The Shack by William P. Young

I will read next:

Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli

Friday, February 15, 2013

Five Minute Friday

I literally giggle when I realize that it is Friday. Finger painting time. Just write, just right. It's such a perfect day... Friday. It taste sweet in my mouth.

Today's Topic: Beloved.

Go.

I crawl into the arms that have cradled all of humanity. I reach out and press my fingers against the nail-pierced hands. I look up into the face of love itself, personified. I am in awe.

I feel the arms wrap tight around me, holding me together. Tears continue to stream and I know that the pain is still there, but I am comforted. I bury my face into perfection and let out all my sorrow. He accepts, gives time, continues to hold with rapt attention. He cries, too. He's been there, this pain is familiar to Him. I eventually quiet to a snuffle, and He draws me back, cups my face in his hands. 

"Oh, little one. If only you could see what I see. If only you knew what I know. You must trust that I know what is truly and wholly best for this world, and the next. I will never give you more than you can handle, and I will always, always be there to take this burden from you when you offer it to me. I already paid the price for all of this... do you hear me? All. Of. This. It is paid for in full... as are you. Never doubt my goodness. Lean on me, and be still. I will fight for you. In this world there is trouble, but have I not overcome this world? I love you with a love so fierce that you simply cannot comprehend it. I sent my very own son to die for you... I died for you. You are mine, and I am yours. 

I am never, ever leaving you. You are my beloved. Always. I love you."

I relax. I am loved, accepted, cared for. I am a beloved. Me. I am Yours

STOP.


If you are here visiting, I hope you enjoy and come back! I hope you are having a fantastic Friday!

Love,
Sarah

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

02.13.13

A list of really good things:

1. A hot drink on a cold day.
2. Sitting beside a window when it is raining outside.
3. Snowflakes that stay on your eyelashes.
4. Youtube videos that will forever make you laugh.
5. Naps in cozy beds.
6. God Stops.
7. A perfect lyric.
8. A good hug.
9. When someone picks up the pen you dropped.
10. Hearing that you look nice.
11. Not having writers block.
12. Laughing a real laugh so hard your stomach hurts.
13. A smile aimed your way when you are sad.
14. People in their vulnerable moments.
15. Sleeping a whole night through.
16. Sunrises that bring forth a new day.
17. Second chances.
18. Bracelets tied to memories.
19. Worship time that fills the soul.
20. Wishing stars.
21. Peanut butter.
22. People that see your messy side and don't walk away.
23. Singing at the top of your lungs.
24. Pictures that never change, even if the people in them do.
25. Words. Always words.

Sarah

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

I'll be there for you.

Being 'there for someone' can look a lot different to different people, don't you think?

It is a hard lesson to learn. That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean that they don't love you at all. Sometimes we expect more from people because we would be willing to do that much for them. But that is not the way to live life. You miss out on so many relationships that way.

But there is something I want you to know. I want you to know that when I say that I'm there for you, I mean it with every last ounce of my being. It isn't a half-hearted promise, spoken to pacify the listener. No, this runs far deeper than that. When I say that I'm there for you, it means at 2am when the tears stain your pillow. It means at 8:45 when your car breaks down and you need a ride to work. It means at 1pm when the weight of the day is already crushing you. I'm there. When joy fills you to overflowing and you must share. I'm there. When I say that I'm there for you, it means always. It means in every moment, every situation. I'm a phone call, car ride, arms length away. I'm there.

However, friend, there is something else you must know. I may not know what to say to you when I come. I have a tendency to stumble over my words. I am really good at saying the exact wrong thing. So, in order to avoid that, I may not say anything at all. But I'll hold you. I'll hold your hand and stroke your hair as you cry on my shoulder. I'll sit with you in the waiting room when you are anxious to hear the news. I'll cry tears of joy as a dream comes true. I'll be there, arms open. Always. I'll do whatever it is I can to make it work for you.

And also, one last thing. Please don't feel bad about calling on me. Because that is the beautiful thing about friendship... it goes both ways. There will be a time when I need someone... when I need you. There will be tear-streaked 2am's where I'll need a hand to reach to in the dark. And I hope that I can count on you. Because when I say that I'm there for you, I mean it with every last ounce of my being.

Love,
Sarah

Monday, February 11, 2013

02.10.13

It's raining today.

These are some of my most favorite days. Rainy days are so beautiful. I don't understand why everyone gets so grouchy all the time when it rains. It's absolutely wonderful. Rain can wash away everything if you let it. It comes with its own music. It is like God is cleaning off the tired ground. Or the tired me. It is a deep cleansing. He washes away the dirt and erases the mistakes of the days before. He gives life and hope. It's not like he sends this deluge or flood and everything is all spiffy, either. He sends a million little drops. He works on the ground one drop at a time until it is clean and refreshed and renewed. What is there not to love about rain?!

Anyways. That's my spiel for the day. Also, I wrote a poem. It is from a list I wrote called 'Ten things I believe to be beautiful'. It's not very good because I haven't tried poetry in a very long time. But I wanted to share it anyways. Hope someone enjoys! Thanks!


Beautiful

Slipping, sliding,
Racing down toward the sweet grass below
Swirling, gathering others in their path
Rain drops racing down my window

Swaying, twirling,
Chests moving, breathing out and back in
Bodies synched in the rhythm
As the dance carries them

Warm, bright,
Sun filters through slits of blind
Tiny sparkles suspended in air
Illuminating even the dusty corners of the mind

Quiet, sweet,
Flakes dance as they fall
Blanketing the world outside
Bringing new beauty to it all

Fresh, new,
Petals peel back one by one
Revealing the beauty, the colors of spring
Late bloom to be the most beautiful when done

Tinkling, singing,
The laughter peals through the air
The giggles are so sweet and small
As is the child being tickled there

Sparkling, joyful,
Mouth’s corners turned up, eyes crinkle at the side
Joy becomes the face of that stranger
As their smile stretches so wide

Believing, wishing,
Praying for a miracle and believing it to come true
The only things stronger than fear
Hope is what we simply must do

Whispering, hoping,
Sharing parts that aren’t readily displayed
Vulnerable in the bravery of sharing
Hoping for someone to come to aid

Slipping, sliding,
Racing downward trying to make sense of the pain
Swirling, gathering others in their path
Tears are just trying to bring hope again

Friday, February 8, 2013

Five Minute Friday

Ahhhh. Friday at last. 
Take a big, deep breath, friend. You made it through another week.

It's time to write, for five minutes straight, no editing, just raw and real. And the best part? You get to link up with this amazing community of other people who love to finger paint with words every week right here.

Today's topic: Bare.

Ready?

Go.

It's easy to tell that winter has set in here with just one quick glance around. The bare branches stand out in stark contrast to the layer of snow that blankets the ground. The snow covers any hint of green grasses or possible new plants, making this also appear so bare. It is so often how my soul feels. There are days when I don't think that I could even come close to producing a single green leaf. Days when I feel like I am just so empty. Sometimes those days turn to weeks, weeks to months, months to years. Sometimes I have really bare seasons in my life. I'm in the middle of one right now, actually. But as I struggle through this feeling... this empty, exposed, hurting part of my life... a gentle breeze caresses my face to remind me that spring is coming. It may not be as soon as I would like for it to be, but it will come. A new life, a new meaning, the ability to grow and produce. Spring is just around the corner, waiting to fill this bare soul of mine. I just have to hold on.

Stop.


Love,
Sarah

Today was good.

Today was a pretty good day.
I got up and got dressed and faced the day head on.
I even brushed my teeth and put makeup on.
I also taught my first class all by myself.
I started my gift gratitude list.
And today, I had two whole people tell me that they cared that I continued to exist in the world.
Two whole people.
That is double what I hoped for.
I feel like the luckiest person alive.
Those two people will never know how much they've impacted and changed my life today.
Thanks, world. I owe you one.

Love,
Sarah

Thursday, February 7, 2013

02.07.13

I am facing today holding the hand that holds the world.
I am accepting grace and acknowledging that I am not okay.
I am broken and in desperate need of grace.
I have fallen so far, I have tried to run so far away.
Today I am turning around, and letting the arms that never let go envelop me.
No, I'm still not okay.
But today, I'm going to rest in the hope that I'm His.
Even when I don't deserve to be.

Love,
Sarah

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

02.06.13

I don't even know if anyone is here anymore.
If not, that's cool too. I'm just writing for me mostly at this point.
I'm really struggling with my depression right now.
It feels like drowning kind of, but you can see everyone around you still breathing at the same time.
I can't focus.
I'm trying to be better, I really am.
But it isn't always easy.
I just want someone to show me that I'm worth it.
Just one person that won't walk away.
Sorry, I know this isn't very happy and go-lucky.
I'll be better tomorrow.
Hope that anyone that may read this is doing well.
And if not, I'm here for you.

Love,
Sarah

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

A Neat Little Box...Unpacked.

Do you ever feel like your life is supposed to fit into a neat little box? I do. All the time.

Like you're supposed to have it all together and you are supposed to smile and always be happy and helpful and eat healthy food and exercise the appropriate amounts every day and do yoga and drink green tea and have white teeth and matching eyeliner... well, you get the picture.

I'm so tired of this stinking box. And I'm tired of everyone else having their lives smashed into a stinking box. In case you didn't notice... we are all human.

WHAT?! I know, right? Scary stuff. But it's true. I guarantee if you got the chance to look inside of other people's boxes, you would see that they aren't actually packed of neat little happy things. You'd probably find some boxes so full that they are bursting at the seams. And other boxes surprisingly empty. And some boxes probably have a lot of stuff that just isn't pretty. And some boxes are just trying to keep it together until the next day.

Believe me, people aren't always put together.

I realized recently that part of the reason that I have felt so badly about myself in the past is that I compare my 'behind the scenes' footage to everyone else's 'highlight reel'. Just think about that for a second. I bet you do it, too.

I just wanted to write this little post today to tell you to STOP. For the love of all that is good, PLEASE stop. Stop pretending you have it all together. Stop pushing pain to the sidelines and pretending life is peachy and wonderful. Stop trying so hard. Just STOP.

Instead, try being real. I know, I know. It's so scary at first. It's so hard and you're tempted to grab back everything you've ever said and just run in the opposite direction. It's frightening to think that someone else may have the power to judge you. But it'll be okay, I promise. And you really will feel better. And you'll let others feel better. You never know when someone is trying to keep their box together in front of you when what they really need to do is smash it and scream. Be that person for them. Let them scream. Hold them when they cry and let them know that it's okay. Experience being human. It's an amazing feeling.

And please know that I love you. And that I'm here. I'm always here if you need me.

Trust me, I don't even kind of have my box together.

Love,
Sarah

Monday, February 4, 2013

02.04.13

Two antibiotics.
Two Z-packs.
Some Zofran.
Some honey and lemon.

And I'm back in the real world, ladies and gentlemen!

Thankful today for modern medicine!

Love,
Sarah

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Books in 2013

I have read:
1. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling2. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou3. The Giver by Lois Lowry4. The Hunger Games by Susanne Collins5. Catching Fire by Susanne Collins6. Mockingjay by Susanne Collins
1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp
The Shack by William P. Young


Currently Reading:
1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp

Up Next:
The Shack by William P. Young

Sunday.

So I'll stand
With arms high, and heart abandoned,
In awe of the one who gave it all.
I'll stand
My soul, Lord, to you surrendered,
All I am is yours.


Friday, February 1, 2013

Five Minute Friday

Five minutes to free-write. No script, no editing. Just real.

Today's Topic: Afriad

Go.

Walking to class today was a little bit tricky as the snow and ice made the path quite treacherous. One wrong step and you are flat on the ground in front of the whole world.

That's really exactly how I feel about life most days. One wrong step and I'll bust my tail and slide down the hill. I know it's not necessarily true, but still. It's scary.

But if you live your life so as to never place yourself in a tricky situation where you may fall, are you really even living? No.

Lately I've begun to develop a habit. Whenever something happens that I don't understand, or I feel lost and afraid, I whisper to myself "I trust You, Jesus." It's not much, and sometimes I have to whisper it a few times before it really sinks in. He is in control. I should not be afraid.

It's time to take that step, risk the fall, and ultimately know that He is in control. I trust Him. I need not be afraid.

Stop.

Love,
Sarah