Monday, November 29, 2010


So I'm not going to lie, I've really been struggling lately. Don't get me wrong, I'm really not trying to complain here. Honestly, I'm SO blessed and thankful for every single second I'm given. I just need to vent a little. It just seems like lately, 7542934057289 things decided to hit all at once (don't worry, I won't put you through having to hear what all is in my brain!), and sometimes I'm not all together sure where to turn. And lets face it, between school and dance and band and work and church... well, there's barely any room to breathe in there, much less take time out to sort through things. So sometimes it feels like all those thoughts and emotions that run through me throughout the day, well they just get stored in some file way in the back of my mind. I simply don't have the time to deal with them at the moment. But then, those filing cabinets can fill up pretty quickly, and when you try to squeeze one more little emotion in there, they fling themselves open, releasing everything all at one time, and all of the sudden everything is right there in your face. It's kind of overwhelming. Am I the only one that feels like that sometimes? It just feels like you work so hard at getting this stupid puzzle to fit together, and while you're so focused on the puzzle itself, the table decides to completely flip out, and all of the sudden, nothing fits where it was anymore. It can be hard, and lonely.

But it's those times when I get so lonely, that I am so thankful to be able to know that I am never truly alone. Even when it feels like everyone has left my side, and I don't have anyone to talk to here, it's no matter. I have a Father in Heaven to love me and hold me when I cry. He hears all of those prayers that fall as tears. He hears those cries in my heart even when I don't have words for them. He knows my hurts, and he cries alongside me. He carries me when I'm unable to walk alone. And it's for that that I will praise him. Even as I struggle, even as I pray through some decisions, I will lift my hands. I will sing hallelujah, even if it's a broken one. Through the hard days, through the times when I fail, I will praise Him. For He is the holy, righteous, worthy, magnificent, living, alpha and omega, prince of peace, mighty, deliverer, Lamb of God. He's the King of Kings, and the Lord of Lords. He's my best friend.

So I guess what I'm trying to say here is this: Life gets hard sometimes. We all struggle, we all fail, we all must face many things alone. We all cry, we all reach a breaking point. But reaching that point doesn't make you weak. If anything, reaching that breaking point makes you stronger. Being able to let go, to cry when you need to, to be upset if you need to be... that takes more courage than trying to keep it all in. And also, realizing that you must move on from that... that's brave too. But even when you reach those hard moments, especially when you are facing a season of loneliness, turn to God. I know, it seems hard, since you can't actually see or hear Him. But He IS there. I promise. He'll wrap you in His arms and hold you close, provide a comfort that you won't find anyone else, and most importantly: He will heal you and fill you with His love. Pour your heart out to Him, let Him know you if are angry, sad, hurt, upset, whatever. He's waiting to hear. He's waiting to provide everything you'll ever need. Just let Him.


Saturday, November 27, 2010

Merry Christmas! From: God

As we officially kick off the Christmas season, I wanted to give a little reminder of the best gift ever given: Jesus. It's all because of Him. And God gives us so much more too! I found this list a few years ago and I pull it out every year to remind myself. Hope you enjoy!

Merry Christmas! I have many very special gifts for you this year! I hope you enjoy them to the fullest. From: God

Eternal Life because I want you with Me forever and ever and ever and ever.
Love for so and so who really grates on your last nerve.
Holy Spirit to remind you of My truth.
Freedom to become all that I'm dreaming for you.
Discernment to guide you into making wise choices.
Patience to overcome the daily trials you face.
Confidence to stand against sin and to stand up for what's right.
Kindness for the very least of these, those at the bottom of the pecking order.
Passion to share Me with those around you.
Forgiveness to that one who should have never said and done that to you.
Peace that goes way beyond what your friends offer.
Security to feel good about yourself even when you're alone.
Strength to withstand the utmost peer pressure.
Power from my very Spirit to enable you to live a holy life.
Wisdom to know that I Am absolute Truth.
Joy, even when you've been rejected by a friend of family member.
My Son, to come and save you from all your sins.

My precious Daughter, this Christmas I want you to bask in the multitude of gifts I'm lavishing on you. Open them now, but enjoy them throughout the entire year. I'm giving you My very self wrapped up in these trimmings! Love, Your Heavenly Father.

Thursday, November 25, 2010


Happy Thanksgiving! I have so much to be thankful for. It never ceases to blow my mind how much God has blessed me with. He's so cool! So here's a list of a few of the things I'm thankful for, in no particular order of course! (:

1. Jesus Christ; for being my Savior, for loving me in spite of me, for carrying me when I can't walk on my own, and for never, ever leaving me alone.

2. My Mom & Dad; for being my number one fans, for supporting me in all I choose to do, for loving me unconditionally, and for bringing me up right.

3. Emma Kerr; for putting up with me on my bad days, for stealing my clothes, for the little cards you made me when I was sick, for coming to my ball games, and band competitions, for always having a smile on your face, for facing some of my roughest times beside me, for loving me in spite of my mood swings. You're the best sister I could have ever asked for.

4. My friends; for making the school days bearable, for helping me get through everything, for knowing me, yet choosing to be seen in public with me anyways.

5. My Grandmothers; for showing me how to have class, and how to be strong in spite of everything else, for making my bad days brighter, and always having the right advice and a big hug ready and waiting.

6. My Papa. You'll always be my hero, and the one that taught me so many more things than I could even begin to name. Even though today marks two years since we lost you, you'll always be in my heart. I'm thankful for the times we did have, and for everything you mean to me. I miss you so much.

7. All of the other fabulous women I have to look to as an example: Susan, Kendra, Kara, Anne, Kim, Erica, Ashley, Jenna, Lisa, Tina, Carrie, Pat, and so many more. You've given me the best examples to live by, and I could not be more lucky to know each and every one of you!

8. My 'Big Sisters', even though I don't see you much any more, I love you all dearly from the very bottom of my heart. You've taught me so much, and been there for me when I needed advice or even just a hug. Kate, Rachel, Sara, Janel, Rachael, Kelsey, Bethany, and everyone else.

9. Music; for keeping me company on my late nights, for being able to express every single one of my emotions, for always having the right words. If you were a person, I'd hug you and never let go.

10. My Band. You guys are my support, and my home. I love each and every one of you more than you'll ever know. This past season, I've learned so many lessons about myself and who I am and am becoming. I couldn't have done any of it without all of you, and I'm more than lucky to have you in my life. Being your Drum Major has been the best experience I've ever had, and I couldn't be more thankful for that opportunity!

11. Studio B, and everyone involved with it. For being my home away from home, my backbone, my escape, my closest family. Even though I'm not a good dancer, it never fails to make me happy, and has been the main constant through everything.

12. My team of doctors; for keeping me healthy and always having my back, for taking God's approach to everything you've done, for saving my life on dozens of occasions, for being like my second set of parents and big sisters, for going above and beyond just to make sure that I'm having the best quality of life possible. I pray for all of you, you are like family to me.

13. My Nikon D80 for capturing my fondest memories and moments that will last a lifetime, and for letting me borrow pieces of Gods creation between your 4x6 borders(:

14. My room, for being the exactly perfectly right color of purple and always welcoming me home no matter what my day has been like.

15. Naganoes, for always being amazing and having wonderful food.

16. My small group, for being one of the few places I can just relax and take a couple hours to chat about anything and everything, and a place where I can come to unload after a difficult week, for being there for me no matter what.

17. For my 5th grade girls on Sunday mornings. You are sunshines and I want you to know how especially important you all are to me. I want to pour myself out to each of you, and help you to avoid the many mistakes I've made in my life. You are precious daughters of the king!

18. Arnoldsburg, WVA & FBC Mebane; for being my favorite place on the planet, for introducing me to my second family and my favorite youth group ever in Mebane, for being home to the most amazing children I have ever met, for being a special small town that I look forward to going to, for having a community of people that are hungry for God and are always willing to open their doors to us.

19. The moon, for reminding me on a regular basis that I am small and loved very much by a fantastic Father in heaven.

20. Winston-Salem, NC; for being my favorite town to go to, for embracing me when I come for my regular visits, and for housing Dewy's Bakery.

20a. Anyone who has read this far! :D

21. Rita's Italian Ice; for being absolutely delicious in every way, and for allowing me to sit outside on your benches with Kelsey Lechtner and vent for several hours at a time, and thus keeping me sane.

22. The lessons I've learned these past few months, like the fact that I can stand on my own two feet, and that I don't need anyone to be who I am. I'm stronger than I imagined I was, and I'm perfectly content with being just me. And I've come to be okay with being alone. Whatever God's will, it will bring me the truest joy and fulfillment for sure!

23. Being a girl with the ability to wear dresses and makeup and tutu's. It's the absolute best.

24. Gift-giving holidays. I loveloveloveLOVE giving people presents. It's the best!

25. A wonderful support system of people that love me & that I love. I could not be more blessed!

So, that's definitely not all, but it's a list anyways. Happy Thanksgiving!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010


If you think about it, there are a lot of lonely things in the world, including people. But when I think of loneliness, I think of the moon.

The moon is lonely.

But maybe that's what part of what makes it so spectacular... so beautiful. There it is up there, surrounded by a sky full of stars, but yet, the only one of it's kind. There's only one moon. It's the only moon up there, so it stands out. It's different, unique, splendid; it is something the rest of the night sky isn't. So we stand and we look and we marvel at how gorgeous the moon is. The big white globe that slowly moves over the night sky. It's reflection is what lights our ways during the wee hours of the night, and quite a sight for all who take a moment and see. On the surface, it may not be perfect. There are lots of imperfections, but that doesn't stop us from seeing the beauty in the whole picture. Being the moon must be lonely. But, even though it's lonely, the moon always continues to shine♥

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Honestly, I'm just rambling(:

First of all, what in the world?! Thanksgiving is THIS THURSDAY?! When did November happen? Forreal, I feel like Halloween was last Sunday. Crazy stuff! But anyways. With Thanksgiving comes my very most favorite time of the year. I adore the Holidays! Everything just gets so warm and cozy and for once people focus on others instead of themselves. Here's some things I'm looking forward to:

1. Re-decorating my Christmas tree. Yes, you read it right. Re-decorating! See, I keep my little four-foot tree up all year long. Think about it, you're having a bad day and you come home and plug it in and BAM! It's Christmas. Things can't be that awful if it's Christmas! So yes, I keep it up. But one of my favorite Day-After-Thanksgiving traditions is actually decorating the tree itself, so I take off all of the ornaments and re-arrange them all, just to have that moment(:

2. Buying Christmas presents! I loveloveLOVE to buy or make people presents. It's so much fun to try to pick out what they would like, and what to give them. And then to see the joy it brings them when you give it, it's so exciting! I love to make people happy, and presents are my favorite way to do that.

3. CHRISTMAS CARDS! I adore Christmas cards, and writing them and sending them and getting to make sure that people know how special they are in your life. It's a great time to remind someone that you love them. I try to remind people as often as I can, because you never know when that chance may not come again. But, it's fun to write something that you know will warm someone's heart!

4. I have SO much to be thankful for. The Holiday's are a wonderful time to step back and look in and realize how truly blessed we are. I know they can be hard sometimes, but when we really take a look, we should know how blessed we are compared to so many other people. It never ceases to amaze me every single time I think about it. God's too cool.

5. Going to look at all the Christmas decorations! Holy cow excited doesn't even cover it. There's this almost tangible magic that hits the air once it gets dark and all of the twinkly lights come on. I'm pretty much like a five year old still, because I absolutely love it. And downtown Forest City is the very best... the lights are amazing and they fill up the whole town!! Love, love, love it.

6. Christmas music season!!! Even though I've been listening to Christmas music since the beginning of dang August with our show and whatnot, I'm still super excited. Christmas music is the very best kind. And Christmas movies! The 25 days of Christmas are absolutely amazing, and I love it! AH! YAY!

7. Time with my quirky, amazing family. Just like every other family, we've got plenty of flaws, but I love them more than anything. I can't wait to be together with everyone again! (:

So pretty much, I'm stoked. This list doesn't even cover half of what I'm excited for! Let the Holiday's commence!

Friday, November 19, 2010

Heather Williams - Hallelujah

I definitely stole this from God, Girls, & the Good Life. But I LOVE this song. It's such a powerful testimony. Lord, I'm so broken sometimes. So many things can be so difficult. So many days I fall, and I know for a fact that I can't get back up on my own. Please help me to have a hallelujah in my heart regardless of my circumstances. Help me to praise you in spite of it all, and please hold me close as you work in and through my heart. You've promised you will never leave my side, and I am resting in that promise today. I love you, Lord. Amen.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010


Wait...WHAT?! You don't have a stumbleupon account?! Go. Right now. and create one! It is a fabulous website. What you do is, when you sign up (for free, don't worry!) you check off some of your interests. Then, stumbleupon comes up with all of these different web pages related to your interest that you would have never known about! It's so cool, I love it! It is also really quite amusing, especially when you are bored. I have stumbled upon many new websites that I use on a regular basis now, as well as these, which I needed a place to keep them. So, the blog it is! And plus, you get to see them. I love this stuff, and I hope you do, too!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010.

I want to have six kids one day. Four girls, and two boys.

I know, I know! I've heard it 7824957678439 times. "You don't know what you're in for with six kids! That would be crazy!" "You don't actually want six kids, you'll see when you're older." "You aren't even old enough to possibly know what you want yet!" "Just wait, you don't know what it's like to be up with a kid at three in the morning because dinosaurs were chasing them or because their tummy hurts." "You won't be able to watch your own movies and TV shows." "You won't have any time with your husband or your friends." "You give up all kinds of freedoms."

I KNOW. But those things... they aren't terrible. I mean really, think about it. You're giving up those things in order to raise an eternal soul. And plus, look at the flip side.

To your baby boy or girl... you are a hero. They are your number one fan. Looking at them is like looking at a time machine and a mirror all at the same time. For the first nine months of their existence, your heartbeat is their favorite lullaby and the first thing they hear as they wake up. You're the face they look for in a crowd of people, the one they run to when they are all alone. You're the one they wave to from the stage at their first dance recital, and you're the only one who can make them feel better when they strike out for the first time. When they fall and get hurt, they want you to make it better. To them, you are invincible and a superhero. They depend on you to shape them into the people they are going to be one day. They look to you for advice and guidance and everything else. They love you with all they've got.

Maybe it's true, maybe I really don't know and will change my mind one day. For goodness sakes, I'm only sixteen, so I have a while before I will even be settled enough to have kids. And who knows! I might not even marry, and then would never have any kids. That's up to God, not me. But still, that's just how I can see my life one day. I've always wanted to be a Mom, more than anything else in the world. So please, stop telling me it's a dumb idea. Don't try to predict my future. If I can't, then I'm pretty much positive you definitely can't. I'm not saying your not right, I may turn out to be a terrible mother, and may not want to have kids. But let me figure that out for myself. At least for now, let me dream my own dreams :)


Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Pocket Moment♥

This past Saturday was definitely a pocket moment (in case you don't already have one, let's get a working definition of pocket moment- One of those amazing times that you never want to forget that you can store away in your 'pocket' and pull out on one of those not-so-fabulous days to remind you that life isn't really as terrible as it may seem in the present moment.) and it was a day I will cherish forever.

It was our last band competition of the season, which is always so bittersweet. It's the last time putting on a show that has been a long time in the making, something you've basically given your life to since the beginning of August. It makes you want to treasure every single moment of that last performance, because you know that once you hit the final horns down, that's it. Marching season will be over. But you also can look back, all the way back to the first time we marched a form until now, and it's amazing how far we've come. And yes, I cried when we finished! At this final competition, Mr. Neely decided to bump us up a class to AAA, which means we would be competing against bands with 20+ horn line on us, making it that much more difficult to place in the final awards. We had a solid performance, one to most definitely be proud of, but we knew by watching the other bands that it was going to be difficult, because they were all so very good. Finally, after a long evening of watching bands, getting food, and attempting (most of the time, to no avail!) to keep warm, it was time for awards. Since it was the last competition, all of the Seniors got to come to the field with the leadership team to go accept our awards. It was Olympic style judging, with four classes. The first caption announced was Drum Major. When they announced 'Second place, Southpoint High School!' I kind of deflated inside. The two other bands in our class had two drum majors, and that usually means a higher score since you have to match each other. I was like 'Dang, I didn't even place in my last competition of the season. This really stinks, I hate I let my band down like that.' So imagine the look of utter SHOCK as they announced 'First Place, FOARD HIGH SCHOOL!' It even took me a minute to realize that they hadn't said Bunker Hill or Hickory High school, and then I think my jaw literally hit the floor! I've never been so excited in my whole life! It was so amazing, excited doesn't even begin to cover my emotion. I hadn't gotten first all year long, and I finally won! It was the best feeling ever... a moment in time that I will keep with me forever and ever. And then, as if the night wasn't good enough already, we got second place horn-line! Finally, they announced rating trophies, and the only two superiors were Foard and Bunker Hill. The final awards were placement, and we knew the first place trophy would be between the two of us. When they announced 'Second place, Bunker Hill High School!' Our entire leadership team was about to jump out of our skin! 'First place, Foard High School!' HECK YES!!!! WE WON! We beat the other bands that were much bigger than we were, all that hard work and effort paid off, and we all got to go receive our trophy. It was a fabulous night, and by far the best end to an amazing season. I'm so proud and so blessed to have been a part of the 2010 Marching Tigers. They are my family, and I love each and every one of them so much! Throughout this season, I have seen myself change into a completely different person than when we first began, and this competition shows that. At first, I was not a very good conductor, but as the season progressed, I have gotten much better and am a much better DM. I've met tons of new people, and have gained some of my greatest friendships. I'm SO blessed!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Twenty-Five Facts (:

I know it's kind of a facebook thing, but I wanted to do my 25 things about me on here instead(:

1. Today in fourth period, I had planned out the majority of what I was going to put on here. And now I've forgotten exactly all of it. Awesome.

2. I'm a completely different person today that I was a year ago. I've learned a lot of lessons, and learned a lot about myself.

3. Apparently I'm easy to read, and no matter how hard I try, I'm not really great at hiding what I'm feeling.

4. Music is as much a part of me as breathing. From making music, conducting, and dancing... it's my life.

5. God is absolutely amazing. I'd be completely and totally lost if he weren't by my side.

6. I'm very OCD about a whole lot of things, especially my school work.

7. I love photography.

8. I want to have six kids one day; two boys and four girls.

9. I have a huge fear of cats. I know, weird. But I'm scared to death of them, and won't stand within fifteen feet of one without flipping out. Don't ask me why, I don't know.

10. Purple is my favorite color. It reminds me of hope, which is one of my favorite words (right up there with 'dream' 'wish' and 'magic')

11. I have trust issues. Actually, there are a total of about 3 people I trust.

12. I've been dancing for 13 years. It's my passion, a constant, my escape, my outlet and I love it more than anything else.

13. I was the Drum Major for the Foard Tiger Band this year, and I can honestly say it's been the most beneficial thing I've ever done. I've learned more about myself in these past few months than I ever knew, and I'm becoming someone completely different. Band is pretty much my life, and the people in it (I count you even if you graduated!) are my family.

14. I'm weird. And I'm pretty sure if anyone took a look inside my mind, I would be sent to a mental institution and not allowed out.

15. I can tend to care too much sometimes. And I wind up getting more hurt than I intended. But I'd rather care too much than not at all I suppose!

16. Pinky promises mean the world to me, and are the most legit promises ever made. Break one, and I will literally not trust you ever again. I'm completely serious.

17. I have no visual artistic talent whatsoever.

18. There are several Doctors offices that I am at so frequently that I'm on a first name basis with all the nursing staff. It's fantastic to be pretty much the only kid that a doctor sees. Everyone automatically loves you! (:

19. I love nicknames. But, until we're tight, lets stick with learning my real name first(:

20. I love hugs, and I hug all the time! It feels weird if I leave one of my friends without hugging them first.

21. Generally I'm a really happy person. I love to smile and laugh, and I usually don't sweat the small stuff. Life's too short to spend so much time upset!

22. I love Dots. Like the candy. They are absolutely fantastic.

23. I love to think. To just sit inside my own head for a while and sift through all of the random bits and pieces that have fallen out of my filing cabinets up there. Again, I told you, I should be put in a mental institution.

24. I am most definitely a summer kinda girl (:

25. I am slowly but surely becoming who I'm meant to be!

Monday, November 1, 2010

Lessons I'm learning.

Lessons that have hit me lately. Have I learned them? Not completely. But I'm definitely working towards them. Read if you wish, but you don't have to. (:

1. The importance of letting your voice be heard. When I had my thyroid taken out in February of 2006, the surgeon also removed my right vocal cord nerve, paralyzing half of my vocal cords. It was a good six months before I could do anything more than whisper, and even then, it was difficult for me to muster up the strength to have a normal speaking voice, and it wouldn't last long. Yelling, singing, laughing... all things that were so natural became something I had to fight my own body to do. It's been four years now, and I almost have a full range voice back. I still struggle with gaining volume, and I absolutely cannot sing at all (I'm pretty sure I could never sing, though ;) ) but I'm much better off than I was. I've fought hard to have a voice... my voice. And I'm not going to let anyone take that from me. Speaking isn't something we really think much about, you know? It just happens. But like other things, we realize what we have when we miss it. My literal voice being taken away and rebuilt has been such a metaphor for my spiritual voice. There have been so many times when I lost my voice, hid away, didn't say anything. And now, I've fought hard for that too. And I'm most definitely going to keep it.

2. I am beautiful. God says so. He told me... "For you were fearfully and wonderfully made." The God that imagined the moon and stars and the sun created me. The hands that fashioned the entirety of creation formed my very features... every last one. And he doesn't make mistakes. He knew what I had to offer to the world, and He found it of enough value to place me where I am. If He found me important enough to create, than shouldn't I have that same respect for myself? I'm not going to let anyone make me feel inferior, or small, or unimportant. I have something to offer the world... I have a difference to make, or I wouldn't be here. I'm special, one of a kind, my own kind of rare. You don't find anyone else exactly like me, and you won't. If anyone, or anything makes me feel any less than that, then they aren't worth a lick of my time. Not. At. All. The one that matters is enthralled by me, and who I am, and what I am. He created me for a perfect purpose, my job is to listen and follow as he leads.

3. I am a Princess. God's Princess. I deserve to be treated with respect, to be revered, to be cherished. Some day, someone is going to be lucky to get to spend the rest of their lives by my side, and they should appreciate that kind of luck. With the same regards, I'm going to be super lucky to spend my life with someone else who is equally as special and wonderful, and I really will not let them forget it. They will definitely know that they are loved, and respected, and wanted. Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't play on their emotions, or abuse the love that they give you. If someone is willing to spend their own time and effort on your happiness, don't walk all over them just because you know they'll always be there, no matter how many times you do it. You never know when they might surprise you.

4. Worrying solves nothing. It just puts you in a bad mood. So, why do it? The outcome will remain the same whether or not you worry about it. Let the small stuff roll off, just enjoy your life. You're only here once, and when you're 96, you don't want to look back on a lifetime of bitterness and worry, but instead, joy, peace, happiness. Cherish those around you, even if they are only in your life for a short amount of time. Make the best of the situation, and then move on. Don't harbor the past, but sail freely. Keep that joy in your heart.

5. There's a huge difference in being the best and being your best. Being the best... well that's all a matter of opinion. But being your best, well that's something no one can argue with.

6. Being courteous is classy. It will never go out of style, and people will love you for it. So don't be a jerk, don't cut someone off, don't slam a door in their face. Just be sweet, and polite, and have some manners. It'll get you so much farther than you think.

7. Love more than you think you should. It's true, with love comes risk, and you very well may end up hurt. But in order to receive love, you must be willing to give it as well. And have a little faith, not everyone you love is going to leave you.

8. Remind people how much they mean to you. You never know when you won't have that opportunity again, and that's something you don't want to regret. Ever. Show them you care, tell them you love them over and over again. Even if it's just a friend, show them that they mean something to you. Being appreciated is so important to everyone.

9. Do what you love. If you're doing something you hate, change it. Love what you do on a daily basis. If you love what you're doing, it will never be monotonous. You'll laugh more, and you'll have a spark in your eye and a spring in your step.

10. I'm never going to be perfect. There will always be things I simply cannot, and will never be able to do. But that's okay. I'm here, and I'm me, and that's what really matters!