Thursday, January 31, 2013

01.31.13

You know? I'm doing really, really good. Some days are not so good, but I'm doing the best that I can and that counts. I've come a really long way, you know? And I'm happy. Not all the time, and I'm still figuring a lot of things out about who I am and where I fit in this world, but I am happy. And no one can take that from me. No matter what. I am on the path to where I need to be. Fingers crossed I'll get there soon.

Love,
Sarah

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

A Little Arnoldsburg.

Today, I had to write a personal narrative for my english class about something in our lives that changed us. I chose to write about Arnoldsburg and my times there, which made me miss it even more than usual, which I didn't know was even possible. So, I thought I'd share a little Arnoldsburg flashback with you guys on here. But, being totally honest, it's mostly for me. I love this place with my whole heart and I can't wait to be back. Hold on, Arnoldsburg, I'll be there soon ♥

Riding four wheelers with Sis (: 

Shyanna♥ 

 Oh, Marilyn (:

Miss Velora, Sassy, Bell, and Austin... my whole heart. 

My sweet boy (: 

Love these roads. 

 Shy, Roman, Sass, and baby boy.

Rec time! 

Team (: 

 This boy has my whole heart. I love my Austin.

Bell (: 

Again, this boy has my heart. All of it. 

01.30.13

Hello, friends.


So, it has been a bit of a rough week for me. I've basically laid in bed and done nothing of consequence. All. Week. Long.

For those of you that know me, you know this is driving me absolutely insane. But I'm really, really sick. I'm a bit better today tha I have been, but I am by no means ready to go run a mile or anything. I'm mostly able to get up without using every ounce of energy that I have left. Which, trust me, is a big improvement from Monday.

Be still and know...

This little phrase keeps sneaking its way into my mind and life this week. I'm generally very bad at being still. I want to go and move and do and be. Sitting still seems like such a waste of time to me. I want to be productive. But this week, I am taking this sick time to do exactly what I'm bad at. I'm being still. I honestly think this is kind of God's way to make me stay still. He knew I needed to rest. And be still and spend time only in his presence.

Monday I went to Health Services here on campus after an entire morning of being completely miserable. I arrived at around 12:30 and didn't leave until 5:30 that evening. I ended up being severely dehydrated due to the stomach bug that had attacked me all morning, along with the residual sinus infection and severe bronchitis that was borderline pneumonia. So I needed to get IV fluids. It took the nurses five different attempts before they finally got a needle to stay in my little bitty veins, and once it was in, I couldn't move my arm because they were afraid that the needle would come back out. It was sitting in that room with a needle in my hand, giving me the fluids I needed so desperately, that the realization hit me. Getting that IV was exactly like getting the time I needed with Jesus. I get dried up, sick, and broken all the time. When that happens, I need to insert the needle and sit still while He fills me with exactly what I need. So, until this concoction of illnesses leaves my body, I'll be right here. Still.

Love,
Sarah

Monday, January 28, 2013

01.28.13

"The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still." Ex. 14:14

Be still and know...



Love,
Sarah

Friday, January 25, 2013

Errant Thought Roundup

Borrowing a leaf from a dear friend's book today, and posting an Errant Thought Roundup. 
Her's are generally better than mine, so you should check it out! southerndisposition.blogspot.com.

So, here goes nothing.

I love, I love, I hate, I hate,
I like, I wish, for goodness sake...
I hope, I hope, I pray, I pray,
I will, I won't, and for today...

I love the way the world gets super quiet when it snows outside. It's so beautiful. And it reminds me that I need to get quiet sometimes. I need to find a space to be still and let myself be cleaned of all the toxins that reside within my soul. It's a good reminder to "be still and know"... which I spoke about this morning in my "five minute Friday" post! You should check it out (:

I love. It is as simple as that. Despite all the heartache, the fear, the brokenness, I love. I love fully and without restraint. I invest in others as I would like to be invested in. I love others as I would like to some day be loved in return. I strive to love like Jesus loves. Despite all the reasons not to, I love anyway.

I hate being icky sicky. I've had this whatever it is for a solid 6 weeks now. I'm on my second antibiotic and nothing is helping at all. I just want to be able to go through the day without feeling like my lungs are collapsing, and sounding like a dying seal. That's all, really.

I hate the superficiality that exists in vast amounts on a college campus. It's really hard for me to hold my tongue as I see one of my favorite little guys in the whole world fighting for a few more days, and then turn around and hear people complaining about the fact that their hair dye didn't turn out exactly as planned. Or that they aren't as tan as they would like to be. Or that they got caught doing illegal drugs. I mean, seriously?! Do people really not know how good they have it? I know of a million little guys who would give anything to be able to celebrate their high school graduation, and move in to a college setting. But they won't get to. So stop wasting the chance you have. 

I like being in my cozy little dorm room. I like the way it feels knowing that, by being here, I am moving forward toward a career in which I will, hopefully, be able to help people some day. I like the atmosphere and community here. I like this journey of finding out who I'm supposed to be in the world.

I wish that I could have gone home this weekend. It was supposed to be so much fun, taking my roommate to Hickory, showing her where I'm from, going to the HG glow party and seeing my sweet family. Getting some necessary business out of the way so that I could focus on being here. But, alas, maybe I really just need to take a weekend to rest. Maybe that's what this weather is telling me to do, anyways.

For goodness sake stop being so hateful to one another. We're all humans, just trying to make it in this world together. Be kind, be generous, and be tolerant. Don't hate on someone else for who they are. You never know what battles someone is fighting, or what mountains they may be facing in their lives. So, be nice.

I hope that people will enjoy my group fitness class. I enjoy it so much, and it is a wonderful outlet for me. I love to be an encourager, so this is a wonderful time for me to be able to get to pour into people and motivate them to love themselves! Loving oneself is such an imperative thing, and is rarely found in college. So, I will try my best to instill that in my participants!

I hope that I can pick up my writing again. I had forgotten how good it felt to put things into words, and create this art that is the written word. I hope that you guys here, my sweet readers, enjoy what I am putting on here. But even if you don't, no offense!, but I will continue to write and post. This blog is as much for me as for anyone. And if you are blessed along the way, then yay! I've done even more than I could have hoped!

I pray that my heart would heal. That I would find direction and be filled. That this season of my life will turn out to be of use somewhere in the future. 

I pray for many people today. I know many that are hurting. Many are sick, suffering loss, and are heartbroken. Many are worn, stressed, and hopeless. I pray that comfort comes soon, for all of us. I pray that I can be a source of help whenever possible. I want to be  a rainbow in someone's cloud.

I will dance. And dance and dance and dance. And laugh. I will enjoy these small moments and string them together to make them count more than the bad stuff. I will get through it.

I won't complain. I won't whine and moan. I won't put myself into situations where I am compromised. I have it really, really good compared to so very many people. If you really look, you probably do too.

And for today I breathe. I look at the world around me and I am thankful. I curl up and enjoy this time of relaxation and attempt to rest. I take some moments to sit and be still and commune with my Father. I keep loving, even when it is hard. I keep moving forward, one step at a time. I dance, and I laugh, and I live. 

Love,
Sarah

Five Minute Friday- Again.

Today's goal: Write for five full minutes, no editing, just raw and real.

Today's topic: Again.

Go.

The cold mountain air floods my nostrils and fills my lungs as I step outside. It's so beautiful here, with the fluffy new snow covering the ground and the trees. I wonder if I'll ever get used to the beauty of the place I plan to call home for the next four years.

I definitely hope not.

It's moments like these, with the thrill of snow falling, getting stuck in my hair and eyelashes, that I know I've chosen the right place for me. Watching the earth clean itself is the most brilliant reminder. Sometimes changes can be beautiful. This is especially applicable in my life right now. Sometimes, changes are to be welcomed, because as much as the earth may shudder at the first few snowflakes, in the end it is beautiful. We are beautiful.

Have you ever been outside as snow falls and slowly builds up around you? Then you know that quiet that is unmatched. It is as though the world begins to whisper rather than yell. Everything becomes still and waits with baited breath for what is to come next. Be still and know that I am God. I've never felt Him speak this phrase more clearly.

So today, as I gaze out the window of my tiny little dorm at the snowflakes lazily floating by, I take a moment... Be still and know that I am God... and commune with my Father again.

Love,
Sarah

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Can anybody hear me?- Meredith Andrews

I'm staring at these empty walls
Wondering when you'll visit me again
When will you come?
If there is anything at all
Coming in between our love, please show me
Cause I am barely hanging on

Can anybody hear me?
The silence is deafening.
Why do you feel so far away?
When I know you're here with me
But I just need the faith to see
Nothing can separate me from you love

Believing what I can't see
Has never come naturally to me
And I've got questions
I am searching of a love
Strong enough to hold me when I'm doubting
You'll never let go of my hand.

Can anybody hear me?
The silence is deafening.
Why do you feel so far away?
When I know you're here with me
But I just need the faith to see
Nothing can separate me from your love.

I will trust in you
Even in the moments I can't find you.
I will hold on to
Your promises, Oh Lord,
You've never failed before

I know that you can hear me
When the silence is deafening
Even though you seem far away
And I know you're here with me
But I just need the faith to see
Nothing can separate me from your love

Can anybody hear me?
The silence is deafening.
Why do you feel so far away?
When I know you're here with me
But I just need the faith to see
Nothing can separate me from your love.

This song really hit home for me today. I mostly wanted to type out the lyrics so that they could really sink in for me, but if you enjoy them, that's awesome too!

Love,
Sarah

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

01.22.13

Hey, readers. I need to take a minute and be really honest with you guys. Part of my new years resolutions was to be transparent with people, and I really am striving to do so. For starters, I want to be open about something I am really struggling with.

I'm lonely.

To some, this may seem just an average statement, one that many make quite frequently. But it is beyond that for me. It's this deep, aching thing that seems to grasp at me at the least opportune moments. I am trying very hard to filter my loneliness through The Word, and to seed the fact that I am never truly alone into my heart.

But this is so hard for me.

It's not like I don't have friends. I do. I have an amazing support system of people that I love dearly. I know in my head that I am loved by so many. But I am grasping for something else, it seems. And I don't understand it fully. There are so many nights when it becomes a physical ache. When the pit of my stomach seems to fall away, and I feel hollow inside. I know it sounds silly, but it's really how I feel.

You see, as of late, I have been harboring a very bruised, very shattered, broken heart. I understand why they call it that now, you know? Because it hurts. It feels like a million little glass shards have seated themselves on the insides of your chest cavity. The splinters poke and ache and lodge themselves underneath your rib cage and it becomes hard to breathe. Tears sneak up on you, and flood your eyelids at the most inconvenient times. It's like the world stops spinning. And it hurts. Don't ever belittle the pain of true heartbreak. It's awful.

Don't get me wrong, however. I'm not in a pit of despair or anything. I'm just a little bit broken. I'm in the process of picking up the pieces and seeing where they fit now. I'm trying really, really hard to be okay again. This loneliness is a particular struggle for me, and I know that we have to go through seasons of loneliness sometimes, but I'm ready for it to be over.

So, this is why I am telling you. Would you please pray for me? Pray that I will soon leave this stage of loneliness and heartache and find happiness again. Thank you, I really appreciate it. I'll keep you updated. Thanks for letting me be transparent with you all.

Love,

Sarah

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Books in 2013

I have read:

1. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling
2. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou

Currently Reading:

The Giver by Lois Lowry

Up Next:

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

01.15.13

I just felt the need to put this little piece of encouragement out there today.

I don't know who needs this, or maybe it's just me that needs it.

But I wanted to tell whoever is reading this that you're loved. Really, really, really loved.

And you're wonderful. Absolutely wonderful in every single way. Even though you may not always see it, there are other people that do. And you have to hold on to that and tell yourself every single day until you believe in your own wonderfulness.

You're never alone. No matter how lonely it gets, you aren't alone. I'm here, even if no one else is. I won't ever walk out on you.

I love you, so very very much. You are so special dear one.

Love,

Sarah

Monday, January 7, 2013

2013 Goals.

I always set goals at the beginning of the year because I think it's good to have a concrete list to look at for what you are aiming for. In making these goals, though, I am well aware that I may not reach them all, which brings me to my list: Goals of 2013.

1. Don't be too terribly upset with myself if I don't exactly attain all of these goals, but strive for them in completeness never the less.

2. Really let my motto for the year sink in: Hakuna Matata! It means no worries... (: What's the use of worrying, really? There is none. So, I resolve to live by Hakuna Matata, repeating it to myself constantly until it really sinks in. "It means no worries, for the rest of your days. It's a problem free philosophy, Hakuna Matata!"

3. Be present in the moment. Live life in the right-now. Enjoy.

4. Love an insane amount. Love isn't about self-gain, and when you take the selfish motive out of loving, then it becomes even more amazing. Love with all I have.

5. Find a community and surround myself with those that will lift me up. Study and hold myself accountable. Allow myself to be taught before I teach others. Allow myself to be filled, and forgiven.

6. Forgive. Forgiveness is for yourself. Your burden weighs you down, not the person that you are holding resentment against. Just you. So cut it off, leave it. It's not for you to carry anyways.

7. Play an active role in my life. Follow my dreams head first. I am so tired of hearing people say that their plans are not their own. I totally believe that God has a plan, don't get me wrong. But I also fully believe that His plan includes free will. Sure, pray over decisions before you make them, but make them with purpose and pursue relentlessly. If it isn't meant to be, then it simply won't be. But go for it. Go after what it is you want, and make crap happen. You don't get a do-over on life.

8. Be straight-up. Let people know how I am, and accept help when I need it. I want to stop being afraid to be human. I want to fully grow into the human experience.

9. Invest in others more deeply. Invest time, love, and energy into relationships. Never give up on anyone, no matter what.

10. Spend less time in the cyber world. I want to pick a day of the week to unplug every week (well, as much as possible with schoolwork so heavily relying on the computer now a days). And I want to spend more time creating and reading!

11. Work out more, and eat better. I want to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I don't want to do it for weight loss, though that would be excellent if it happened! I want to do these things BECAUSE I love my body, not IN ORDER TO love my body! I already love it. It does some amazing things! I want to take care of it, so that it can continue to take care of me!

12. Be the best 'me' I can be. Strive to be better than the person I was yesterday. Live every single day as though it were my last, and so that, if a picture were to be taken at random, it would be a pretty cool picture!


Well, those are the main 12. I'm counting on you to hold me accountable. Thanks guys! I love you dearly. Here's to new beginnings!

*Psssssst! I changed the blog around. New year, new stuff coming up. What do you think?!*

Sarah.