I've had my heart broken.
I have. Recently, actually. And it's probably one of the the worst pains in the entire world. It feels like all the things keeping you afloat are suddenly just no longer there and you can feel the water rushing to swallow you whole. You are alone and what hurts most is that, if you're best friends with the person you are in love with like I was, you have to learn how to function without your best friend again. The person that has shared special moments, made you smile, known everything about you. And above all, they broke all the trust you had built in them. You trusted that they would keep the promises that they made. Because why would someone promise something if they didn't intend to keep it?
That's where I learned though, that some people really don't understand the promises they are making when they make them. I learned the amazing span of grace. I learned that I'm stronger than I thought I was.
I need you to know that if you have ever had your heart broken, or maybe you're facing some serious heartbreak right now, that you aren't alone. That took me a while to realize too. You feel like the whole world is just going about their business but really people are just as broken as you feel. You just have to be willing to be vulnerable and let them help you. They will help you. People are just waiting for you to reach out your hand.
Fall into grace. I'm going to be doing some more writing about grace here in the near future. I never understood grace very well until recently. That, and love. I never understood the power of another's words. I never realized how deeply the God I had worshiped my whole entire life loved me. It's beautiful and wonderful and intoxicating. It's breathtaking and deep and real and alive. I hope you experience that someday. That intoxicating, glorious love. It's phenomenal and addicting. Loving and being loved by a God that is greater than any fathomable substance has made me an addict. I can't get enough, and I just keep going back for more, more, more. I ache to return to the place where I can be alone in His presence. I long to dive into his overwhelming grace. I wait for the moment when I may rest, when I may be alone with the love that spans generations, an entire species crafted into beautiful beings, all with hearts to love the one who placed them perfectly where they are.
I'm trying to be a better writer. I stumble a lot over the words. There are so many things inside of me longing to be free, to enter the world. I'm one of the crazy ones who believe that words can touch people. So though it may seem sporadic and crazy, please stay with me. We can do this together, this life thing. Dive into the astounding beauty that surrounds us, won't you join me?
All my love,