01.22.13

Hey, readers. I need to take a minute and be really honest with you guys. Part of my new years resolutions was to be transparent with people, and I really am striving to do so. For starters, I want to be open about something I am really struggling with.

I'm lonely.

To some, this may seem just an average statement, one that many make quite frequently. But it is beyond that for me. It's this deep, aching thing that seems to grasp at me at the least opportune moments. I am trying very hard to filter my loneliness through The Word, and to seed the fact that I am never truly alone into my heart.

But this is so hard for me.

It's not like I don't have friends. I do. I have an amazing support system of people that I love dearly. I know in my head that I am loved by so many. But I am grasping for something else, it seems. And I don't understand it fully. There are so many nights when it becomes a physical ache. When the pit of my stomach seems to fall away, and I feel hollow inside. I know it sounds silly, but it's really how I feel.

You see, as of late, I have been harboring a very bruised, very shattered, broken heart. I understand why they call it that now, you know? Because it hurts. It feels like a million little glass shards have seated themselves on the insides of your chest cavity. The splinters poke and ache and lodge themselves underneath your rib cage and it becomes hard to breathe. Tears sneak up on you, and flood your eyelids at the most inconvenient times. It's like the world stops spinning. And it hurts. Don't ever belittle the pain of true heartbreak. It's awful.

Don't get me wrong, however. I'm not in a pit of despair or anything. I'm just a little bit broken. I'm in the process of picking up the pieces and seeing where they fit now. I'm trying really, really hard to be okay again. This loneliness is a particular struggle for me, and I know that we have to go through seasons of loneliness sometimes, but I'm ready for it to be over.

So, this is why I am telling you. Would you please pray for me? Pray that I will soon leave this stage of loneliness and heartache and find happiness again. Thank you, I really appreciate it. I'll keep you updated. Thanks for letting me be transparent with you all.

Love,

Sarah

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