Hey guys.
So, this is just me rattling off some thoughts. Feel free to ignore.
I'm really, really tough on myself. That's hard for me to admit, because I don't always feel like I am. Sometimes I feel like I'm not tough enough, like I need to constantly be doing more, better, always striving to be something other than what is currently in existence.
And today, I broke.
Today was hard. And that's not easy for me to be honest about.
I laid in bed a good 88% of today and just cried. My eyes are the size of golf balls right now and the color of firetrucks. I've had approximately 3 hours of sleep in 48 hours and it's not even really technically finals week yet.
But I realized today that I have got to start being nicer to myself. It's hard to be happy when someone's being mean to you all the time. I'm going to try my best to cut myself a little break as much as I can. And now, I need to make a list to attempt to get my head on straight. This is the list of random thoughts of today. Unfiltered and unedited.
1. I have the best little sister in the entire world. If there was ever an amazing best friend, it's her. She made me feel a ton better about my shitty day today. She deserves a gold medal for being awesome.
2. An amazing woman passed away this morning, and she will be so dearly missed by anyone who had the chance to get to know her, including me. Praying for her family today.
3. I hate cancer. I freaking hate it.
4. Heartbreak isn't a joke. It really hurts. Like, really really.
5. Rain can wash away everything if you let it.
6. Maybe I really am supposed to be on my own. And maybe that's okay.
7. Japanese food, sweet frog, and country music can cure anything. I promise.
8. I'm exhausted. Mentally, physically, and especially emotionally.
9. I miss my best friend.
10. Tomorrow's a new day.
11. Sometimes, you just have to move the heck on. Pick your head up, stare at something beautiful, and move on.
12. I don't care what it is you say or think, I'm worth it and I'm not a waste of time.
13. I really am a good person. I know that, God knows that, and the rest doesn't honestly matter.
14. I know I'm a lot to handle, but I'm not asking you to take it all on. Just to hold my hand.
15. Breathe.
I'll probably write more later. But I have to study for exams. Love you guys.
Love,
Sarah
So, this is just me rattling off some thoughts. Feel free to ignore.
I'm really, really tough on myself. That's hard for me to admit, because I don't always feel like I am. Sometimes I feel like I'm not tough enough, like I need to constantly be doing more, better, always striving to be something other than what is currently in existence.
And today, I broke.
Today was hard. And that's not easy for me to be honest about.
I laid in bed a good 88% of today and just cried. My eyes are the size of golf balls right now and the color of firetrucks. I've had approximately 3 hours of sleep in 48 hours and it's not even really technically finals week yet.
But I realized today that I have got to start being nicer to myself. It's hard to be happy when someone's being mean to you all the time. I'm going to try my best to cut myself a little break as much as I can. And now, I need to make a list to attempt to get my head on straight. This is the list of random thoughts of today. Unfiltered and unedited.
1. I have the best little sister in the entire world. If there was ever an amazing best friend, it's her. She made me feel a ton better about my shitty day today. She deserves a gold medal for being awesome.
2. An amazing woman passed away this morning, and she will be so dearly missed by anyone who had the chance to get to know her, including me. Praying for her family today.
3. I hate cancer. I freaking hate it.
4. Heartbreak isn't a joke. It really hurts. Like, really really.
5. Rain can wash away everything if you let it.
6. Maybe I really am supposed to be on my own. And maybe that's okay.
7. Japanese food, sweet frog, and country music can cure anything. I promise.
8. I'm exhausted. Mentally, physically, and especially emotionally.
9. I miss my best friend.
10. Tomorrow's a new day.
11. Sometimes, you just have to move the heck on. Pick your head up, stare at something beautiful, and move on.
12. I don't care what it is you say or think, I'm worth it and I'm not a waste of time.
13. I really am a good person. I know that, God knows that, and the rest doesn't honestly matter.
14. I know I'm a lot to handle, but I'm not asking you to take it all on. Just to hold my hand.
15. Breathe.
I'll probably write more later. But I have to study for exams. Love you guys.
Love,
Sarah
Praying for you precious.
ReplyDeleteHey Sarah . . . love your transparency. #11 really struck a chord with me. Many years ago I was in a very dark, sad and lonely place and I was beating my self up pretty hard. One day I just decided I needed some beauty and I drove to the edge of town on the main drag, turned around and stopped at every store, gallery and flower shop that had beautiful things to see, smell and touch. After several hours of drinking in such pretty things and marveling at the creativity of God and his people I had climbed out of the dark hole and have never gone back. Whenever I feel the darkness crowding in around me I take another beauty adventure day. Praying revival over your body, soul and spirit . . . and that the Son shines on you today.
ReplyDeleteThough I have never met you, you have carved a little niche in my heart . . . love you, girl.
I know it's hard to not be mean to yourself, trust me I know. But just know that you are amazing! I love you and I hope your week gets better. <3
ReplyDeleteDear girl, you are beautiful and strong and capable and talented and valuable and worthy. The very gift that lets you see the beauty in every drop of life is the same gift that lets you see the pain. We choose, many times every second, to look at the beauty, to seek the beauty, to share the beauty. It is an exhausting calling. Praying for you to be renewed and to remember the blessing you are.
ReplyDelete