So I created this blog as kind of a journal, a way to keep pictures and quotes and verses and things all in one central location where I'd always know where they were at. It's kind of evolved into more than that though, and it's become a place where I feel I can really share my heart. Now, do I have any clue who may read this one day? No. I don't know who reads this thing now, or if anyone reads this thing now. I'm probably babbling to myself, but that's okay with me. Anyways, in order for someone to really share their heart with you, they simply cannot just share the sunshine-y days. Because that's not all of who people are. I mean, it's all I am, because I'm perfect and all, but I imagine most people have hard days, difficult seasons, times when everything seems to be falling apart. But I bet you don't either, do you? I didn't think so. We're a lot alike, us perfect people.
Just kidding.
But seriously, these next couple of posts are going to be me really sharing my heart with you. These past several weeks have been some of the most trying I've had in a very, very long time. No, it hasn't been anything catastrophic, but it's been hard. I've been hurting, upset, broken, angry, lonely, sad... you name it, I've probably felt it within the last several days, not to mention weeks.
Here lately, I've been super-duper busy. I leave at 7:15 in the morning, and I don't get home until 9 or 9:30 every. single. night. I'm pretty much involved in every single thing possible, from jazz band to dance to church to work to trying to have some minute semblance of a social life... it's taxing, for sure. Well, yesterday I spent my day in Mebane. For those of you that don't know where that is, it's right on the outskirts of Raleigh, about an hour on the other side of Winston from Hickory, NC. It's tiny, and it's fabulous my second home and a much needed getaway. We had a mission trip meeting that started at 10 and went to 12. While we were there (it was our first meeting for the 2011 trip) we did a get-to-know-you thing where you had to put a screen name, favorite song, and favorite Bible verse on a card. Well, those answers aren't hard for me anymore, I put the same ones every time. Screen name? Duckaloo. Favorite song? Hurricane-Jimmy Needham. Verse? There's two: Exodus 14:14 and John 16:33. As I wrote those things down, it hit me full in the face. How many times have I heard that song, and those verses? I know them both by heart. But still, here I am, sitting here refusing to believe and apply the truths that are within them. The first verse is Exodus 14:14 "The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still." This hits me hard, especially right now. I'm facing a lot of battles ahead of me, and God's willing to take the reigns and fight for me, but before He can, I've got to stop and be still. I need to let something go. I have to. Anyways. The next is John 16:33 "I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world." In the midst of everything, God's there. He knows our hearts, and that we'll have a hard time sometimes, but He still loves us. And as long as we trust Him, we have a hope in something much higher than our troubles could ever be. How refreshing. Finally, my song. Hurricane by Jimmy Needham has been my favorite and most played song for quite some time. It's become my prayer. I know that sometimes, we have to go through some tough storms in order for God to use us effectively. The chorus says "I need you like a hurricane, thunder crashing, wind, and rain, to tear my walls down. I'm only yours now. I need you like a burning flame, a wildfire untamed, to burn these walls down, I'm only yours now." This song is a prayer I offer up so many times, and in two ways. I pray that God will give me the strength to get through the storms, because I understand the fact that He will use it. But I also pray that I'll take whatever it is He needs to do to use me with grace and dignity. "If you are the war, let me be your casualty: I am yours alone, Lord." I pray my life is this way, forever and ever. Amen.
Love,
Sarah
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