Okay, I'll admit it. I have a huge soft-spot for chick flicks. I mean, come on. Who doesn't love a good chick flick every now and then! I watched Mamma Mia for the first time tonight. It was fabulous! If you haven't seen it, I recommend it very highly... for the music if nothing else. But then, you know, chick flicks get me thinking. And do you know what thinking leads to? Blogging. Thus, you must sit through my thoughts. I apologize in advance. (:
Holding hands through parks, have a family, take our kids bowling or out to eat... sharing my life with my best friend. But the fact is, I honestly have no say in the matter whatsoever. There are times when I want nothing more than to find someone to love, and who will love me back. There are times when I think about being alone as I grow older, and it scares me to death, and there are thoughts that run through my head saying 'I'm never going to be good enough for anyone to love!' But in those times, I cannot say, "God, this is what I want, and it must be this way or else I'll never be happy!" No, instead my prayer must be "God, form my will into yours. If all I ever am is your bride, please allow me to do so with thankfulness and joy." Is it hard? Absolutely. It's a moment-by-moment struggle, and goodness knows I fail at it... All. The. Time. But I have to trust that God either has someone, or has me doing something different that will bring glory to his kingdom. I guess for now, I'll just wait, and trust. What do I have to lose?
When you were young, didn't you just dream of falling in love? You know, finding the right guy, being head over heels, and happily ever after just falls in line after that. But forreal. When is that ever the case? There's always some catch... they have some family member that hates you, or you find out something that just throws the whole situation into an uproar. Or maybe, just maybe, you're too scared to completely fall in love with anyone. Maybe you've had your heart broken one too many times, and you feel bad trying to give anyone the mess that it's become. It's not fair, after all, to give them a heart that's in a bunch of pieces, right? And especially if the one relationship you let yourself be in ended terribly, you can kinda lose hope in all relationships. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get married. It's going to be a pretty difficult task to find someone who would want to live with me... I'm not the easiest person to get along with, after all. Or to find someone who is willing to take the time to really get to know me, or be willing to help me pay my insane amount of medical bills, or kill all the spiders in the house, or clean out the drains when they need it. I've always wanted to get married, though. You know, a big white wedding, reception with all of my friends and family, my father giving me away, our fist kiss as a married couple, taking pictures like this:
Holding hands through parks, have a family, take our kids bowling or out to eat... sharing my life with my best friend. But the fact is, I honestly have no say in the matter whatsoever. There are times when I want nothing more than to find someone to love, and who will love me back. There are times when I think about being alone as I grow older, and it scares me to death, and there are thoughts that run through my head saying 'I'm never going to be good enough for anyone to love!' But in those times, I cannot say, "God, this is what I want, and it must be this way or else I'll never be happy!" No, instead my prayer must be "God, form my will into yours. If all I ever am is your bride, please allow me to do so with thankfulness and joy." Is it hard? Absolutely. It's a moment-by-moment struggle, and goodness knows I fail at it... All. The. Time. But I have to trust that God either has someone, or has me doing something different that will bring glory to his kingdom. I guess for now, I'll just wait, and trust. What do I have to lose?
Love,
Sarah
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