Can I just tell you something? Actually, a lot of somethings are going through my mind at the moment. But I just want to tell you one:
There is nothing in the entire world like leaving a burden at the foot of the cross. That is, if you really leave it there, instead of leaving it there for .25 seconds and then picking it right back up again, which is what many of us do. Which is what I've done for 5 years now. But when you really pray, and honestly give up all control of the situation... there's no feeling in the world that beats that. When you can walk away from the altar and say 'God, I've left it there. It's up to you for the taking and molding to please you.' You just feel so light, and so free. It feels so amazing. I'd been fighting and wrestling with this one issue for way too long, and I'd attempted to leave it in God's hands for a long time. But every time I would give it up with one hand, I'd pick it right back up with the other and keep trying to do things my way. Even lately. But now, it has just gotten too heavy for me anymore. It's emotionally exhausting to carry anything around, especially for an extended period of time. So yesterday, God and I had a long talk, tears and everything, and I'm through holding on to something I have no control over. So yes, finally... "I'm giving you my heart, and all that is within. I lay it all down for the sake of you, my King. I'm giving you my dreams, I'm laying down my rights. I'm giving up my pride for the promise of new life. And I surrender all to you."♥
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